Best of Halloween 🎃 – Tosh.0

[Music] [Music] nothing strengthens a father-daughter bond like hiding a camera in her bedroom now in case the cobweb in the corner didn't already tip you off halloween is just days away and it's the only time of year parents are legally allowed to emotionally scar their kids when the kids get off the bus i'm gonna be laying on the floor and see their reactions [Music] [Applause] [Music] he traumatized her nips it's only fair she gets to give him ptsd [Music] [Applause] did her daughter say the airport take those scissors and cut her tongue out for real now how young is too young for halloween horror nights hey i don't blame him statistically black people are the first to die in any horror scenario there's more than one way to terrify your kid two let's go he's not getting this [ __ ] dj i'm not kidding it's not funny jenna before you fall in the [ __ ] garbage keep recording yeah let's go it's going in the garbage your phone will be even garbage let's go buddy who are you gonna call child services remember it's okay to hit your kids if your hands are made of marshmallow enough torturing children let's focus on consenting adults [Music] [Music] oh [Applause] more like wet dream on elm street am i right [Music] this spider bitter right in the tush it's so swollen i don't mean to be a prude but you old people in your 30s are ruining halloween with your skanky inappropriate costumes and don't get me started with amazon they've been illegally using my likeness to sell some of their most offensive costumes the sexy school shooter inexcusable i guess if you're gonna get killed at school you might as well go out with a boner sexy 911 tower now technically this is half of a couple's costume look at that tagline they'll never forget if you show up to the party dress like this this is in such bad taste amazon it's barely been 17 years now is not the time to sexualize it in the strongest terms i must condemn jeff bezos for this one a sexy saudi journalist okay thank goodness someone over there had the decency to take this one down oh no it's just sold out you people are horrible halloween has officially lost its moral compass amazon if you don't remove these i will terminate my prime membership and continue to not watch the romanovs now no matter what you wear to your halloween party you're gonna offend somebody so it's always a good idea to have lots of options [Music] [Music] wait maybe set your watch a few minutes fast so you won't keep missing your train i want to see a detailed diagram of how we shot that the logistics alone are fascinating [Music] women have ruined the once proud holiday known as halloween tarting it up with their [ __ ] costumes and their thigh highs halloween is supposed to be for children hairless beautiful children and i say they should be the only ones that get to dress up sexy is it hot in here or do i just need to turn up the ac i'm your host mario lopez dressed as a sexy ac slater first up it's an even sexier kim davis this costume cost under 20 with all proceeds going towards abolishing gay marriage who lives in a pineapple under the sea it's the sexy shirtless spongebob squarepants next up a sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub i know there's one sub enthusiast that wished he could be here in person next up it's [ __ ] isis the hottest of all the jihadist extremist militant groups i hope he be headed to the after party oh fan favorite it's justin bieber's dick girthier than i remember if you liked that bit go to our blog and click on the link that turns you into the authorities for being a pedophile [Music] oh see i'm a proud owner of a gay-ish looking dog but at least i don't take it to this level you showing off your halloween costumes pixie are you princess leia next year instead of putting us in these costumes how about you take us to the pound and get us euthanized wicket are you darth vader are you guys there seems like that guy the force right out of pixie and wicket don't get mad at me mommy's the one who bought the costumes and by mommy he means boyfriend that time of the year again when it becomes my responsibility to educate the unenlightened public on the proper way car pumpkin i love it that'll do it all right this is the most humane way to carve a pumpkin he can carve a turkey at 50 meters but if you bring home your black boyfriend i'd recommend getting under the table congrats congratulations that looks like absolute [ __ ] the exit wounds are much spookier you see that smile that's what freedom looks like you don't like it write your own constitution huckabee 2016.

I'm on my own on that one [Music] you know he's giving out bitter honey on halloween top five worst halloween candies here we go black licorice bitter honey circus peanuts those miniature pumpkins made entirely of recycled candy corn it is way too thick number one knives shield truffles i live in an upscale community where's he gonna put the candle that's how a man carves a pumpkin but in the name of a equality i should give the ladies a chance [Applause] oh yet another great argument for guns [Music] we've all seen those tear-jerking videos of soldiers returning home to their families but our emotions are being manipulated by overly sentimental music and editing we don't know if their wives cheated on them and statistically i'm not saying it's a lot but some of those soldiers committed unspeakable atrocities over there that's just a fact that's why in honor of halloween i took those same videos and gave them a slightly spookier feel daddy's coming in just a few minutes [Music] three two one [Music] [Music] you